Board Games and Vampires
by pinkcrayon1101
Summary: This is what happens when you let the Cullens play board games. "Last time we played, Alice threw Jasper out the window." --Edward. See? Nothing good can come of this. Slightly OOC, after BD. hope you like it!
1. Monopoly can't be that bad can it?

**If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't be sitting in my house writing this. :) All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer. Oh, I don't own monopoly either :)  
**

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**Hello! I hope you like this chapter, they might be a little OOC, but then again, they _all _are in my stories :) Thanks for reading! (BPOV) Oh, and it's _after _BD, so yeah. Bella is a vamp!! Oh, and this is my first story with Renesmee in it, so be nice plz!**

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"Oh my gosh!" Alice said, bursting into our room. Edward and I were on our bed reading.

"What is it now Alice?" Edward asked, folding the corner of the page on his book.

"Know what we haven't played in a long time?"

"Baseball!" I said, putting my bookmark into my book and jumping out of bed to stand beside Alice.

"Noooo..." Alice said, grinning evilly.

"Oh god! Alice! You have a sick mind!" Edward screamed, grabbing his head.

"What did you do?" I asked Alice, running to Edward.

"She wants us to play..._ monopoly_."

"Monopoly?" I asked. "That doesn't sound too bad."

"You've never played it with us before then." Edward said, standing beside me.

"Is that a yes then?" Alice asked excitedly.

"NO!" Edward yelled.

"I'll play." I said, smiling.

"Bella, love, if you know what's good for you, you won't play."

"I'm a vampire now." I said, rolling my eyes. "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Last time we played, Alice threw Jasper out the window." Edward said, looking straight into my eyes.

"Alice! Why on earth would you do that?" I asked, turning to look at her.

"Because he was winning." She said simply, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh. Well, anyways, let's play."

"Bella! You _cannot _be serious!"

"What's going on mommy?" Renesmee asked. She had finally decided to start talking all the time.

"We're playing monopoly. Would you like to play?" I asked, kneeling down to her level.

"No, Kimmy and I have a playmate! You already said I could go!"

"No sweetheart, that's tomorrow." I picked her up in my arms.

"Oh," she said, looking at me. "Then let's play!" A smile spread across her face.

"No, I absolutely forbid it." Edward said, crossing his arms

"Edward" I pouted at the same time as Renesmee said "Daddy" and pouted.

If there was one thing Edward couldn't stand, it was seeing his wife and daughter unhappy.

"Fine!" He said, throwing his arms up into the air. "Who else are we subjecting to this madness?"

"Well," Alice said, thinking. "Me, You, Bella, Renesmee, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle and Esme." She said, counting off on her fingers.

"EVERYONE?!" Edward shouted. "No. No, we're not playing!"

"Yes we are." Alice said, glaring at Edward. Renesmee and I glared at him as well. Now his sister, wife, and daughter were all mad at him, so he caved.

"Fine, fine. Let's get this madness over with." He said, putting his arm around my waist.

We started down the stairs. In the living room, there was a large, oak table, with a monopoly board in the center. There were eight matching oak chairs, and a pink chair for Renesmee. The properties were on a turn table, and there was a steel safe on the other side of the table.

"What's the safe for?" I whispered to Edward.

"Let's just say Jasper and Emmett like to cheat, and Esme thought this would be the best way to keep it fair."

"Oh." I said, putting Renesmee down.

"I'm surprised Jake hasn't been here all day." Edward said, pulling out a chair for Renesmee and then for me.

"He's in Japan on a school trip. Remember?"

"Oh yeah."

Ever since Jake had imprinted on Renesmee, he has been here everyday. It's almost quiet when he's not here.

"GUYS!" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs, cupping her hands around her mouth.

Like I said. _Almost_.

"Alice, what part of _super hearing_ don't you understand?" Rose asked, emerging from her room with Emmett behind her.

"It's more fun to yell!" Alice said with a smile.

Esme came from the kitchen, and Carlisle came from his office. Everyone sat beside their partner, Esme sat infront of the safe.

"I will be banker and property manager." She said, smiling.

"I wanna be the dog mommy." Renesmee said to me.

"I'm always the dog!" Alice whined. Edward glared at her. "But I'll just be the shoe."

I handed renesmee the dog, and got the thimble for myself, and the hat for Edward. Rose picked the horse, Emmett got the bag of money, Jasper got the battleship, Carlisle chose the car.

"Aren't you playing Esme?" I asked, seeing as she didn't have a tiny silver figure beside her.

"No, I referee. Like baseball." She said, smiling.

"Oh." I said, turning back to the board.

We all placed our figures on the 'GO' space, and then fought about who got to go first.

"I do! I thought of it!" Alice yelled.

"No, I do! I'm the youngest!" We all stared at him.

"Uh, Emmett, you were _never _the youngest." Edward said to him.

"Oh, yeah, I know, I just couldn't think of any other reason."

"You know, we could roll the dice and whoever gets the biggest number goes first, then we move around the table clockwise." I suggested.

"Good idea Bella! We should have thought about that years ago!" Esme said from four seats over.

"Yeah! Let's roll!" Alice said. She and Emmett took one die each.

"Four!" Alice yelled

"Two." Emmett said sadly.

Then Edward and I took the die.

"Six!" I said, punching a fist into the air.

"One." Edward said, throwing the dice to Jasper. I threw mine to Rose.

"Three." Jasper said calmly.

"One?! This is rigged!" Rose yelled. She crushed the die in her hands.

"Rose!" Alice whined, then Esme opened the safe.

She took out a brand new set of dice, and took the crumbled one to the garbage after locking the safe again.

Carlisle took one die and handed the other to Renesmee.

"Two." Carlisle said.

"Five!" Renesmee said.

"OK then," Esme said, seating herself again. "Bella is first, followed by Edward, then Renesmee, then Jasper, Alice, Rose, Carlisle and last is Emmett"

"What?" Emmett asked. "Stupid dice. BLASHEMY I TELL YOU!"

"Whatever. Bella roll the dice!" Alice said, hopping up and down in her chair.

"Yeah sure. Here we go!" I said, letting the dice fall out of my hands.

This would be the weirdest, funniest, most dangerous game of monopoly _ever_.

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**Hehehe, hope you liked it! Sorry if this chapter wasn't all that funny, but the next ones will be. I promise. There will be... well, just wait and see. Anyways, Please please please review! It makes me really happy, and then I write more. Yay for people who review! You guys rock my world! Bai!**

**--pinkcrayon1101**


	2. It's only the FIRST round!

**If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't be sitting in my house writing this. :) All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
**

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**Hi everyone! I hope you like this chapter! Sorry it's a little bit short, but hey. what can ya do. :D  
**

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I rolled the dice, then counted how many spaces I moved.

"One...Two...Three...Four...Five..Six...Seven...Eight." **(AN: They're playing with two die)**

"Vermont, 100" Esme announced, holding up the property card.

"I'll buy it!" I said, handing her two fifty dollar bills.

"You know you have a one hundred dollar bill right Bella?" Alice asked me.

"Yeah." I replied, passing the dice to Edward.

Edward rolled the dice. "Four. Income tax."

"Two hundred dollars to the middle Edward!" Esme said, putting a five-hundred dollar bill in the middle as well.

Edward threw two one-hundred dollar bills into the center of the board, then handed the dice to Renesmee.

She giggled and shook them. "Seven." she said, looking at the dice.

"Chance!" Esme said, getting one chance card out of the safe.

"Collect fifty dollars from each player." She said smiling. Everyone but Edward and I groaned. We all handed her one fifty-dollar bill each.

I handed the dice to Jasper.

"Three." He said, moving his character. "Baltic Avenue," He shot out before Esme could. "I'll buy it!" He handed eighty dollars over to Esme who locked it in her safe.

"Why do you always waste your money on those Jazzy?" Alice asked, taking the dice from him.

"They will make me a millionaire!" Jasper shouted. Alice rolled her eyes and let the dice drop to the board.

"TEN!" She shouted, the picked up her little silver shoe.

"One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, TEN!" For each number Alice shouted out, her figure bounced up and down a foot each time.

"Does she always do that?" I asked Edward. He nodded.

Alice shot me an evil glare, and threw the dice to Rose.

"Seven," Rose said, looking at the little black and white dice. "Chance."

"What the heck?!" Rose asked, after reading her card. Edward laughed out loud.

"Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars!"

Everyone at the table laughed really hard. Until Rose stared at us. She was livid.

"Rose _NEVER _wins monopoly." Jasper explained.

"It's rigged! I swear! Alice did it!" Rose screamed, pointing to her giggling sister.

"What?!" Alice snapped back. "I didn't do anything to it! You know after what Emmett did that Esme inspects the board before we play!"

"You did something." Rose said quietly, eyes narrowed.

Edward gasped beside me.

"Girls, calm down. You're scaring Renesmee." He said, holding Rose back.

"Ugh. Whatever." Rose said, sitting down.

"Rosalie," Esme started, looking at Rose sternly. "You know what you have to do now."

"Yeah, Yeah. Sorry Alice."Rose said, crossing her arms.

"No Problem!" Alice said, as she moved Rose's character off the board.

"What did Alice do that for?" I asked Edward quietly.

"Whenever someone in the family gets... cranky, like Rose did, they have to sit out for three turns."

"Oh."

"And it happens to Rosalie a lot. She always looses the game, and gets ... cranky."

"Again! _SUPER HEARING_!" Rose shouted at Edward.

Carlisle chuckled and took the dice from the board.

"Two. Community Chest."

Esme handed him a yellow card.

"Collect 15 inheritance money." Carlisle read from the card. Esme handed him his money, and he handed the dice to Emmett.

"Finally!" Emmett said rolling his eyes and the dice in sync.

"AHA! FIFTEEN! BEAT THAT!"

"Uh..." I started, staring at Emmett.

"Emmett honey, It's impossible to get a fifteen with two die." Esme said softly.

"Oh, you guys suck. I got a two too."

Esme got another yellow card out of her safe.

"HAH!" Emmett shouted. "Win a beauty contest. Get 20!"

"Emmett darling, can I see the card please?" Esme asked, holding her hand out."Emmett, this says 'Go to nearest utility."

"Ugh. I always get caught." Emmett pouted. Alice moved his sliver pawn to the space.

"No, you're just not pretty enough to win a beauty contest!" Jasper said, laughing. This made everyone but Renesmee laugh.

"I think your pretty Uncle Emmy!" She said smiling.

"I love you most kid," Emmett said, giving her a high five across the table. Then he saw Rose.

"_She's _your favorite?!" Rose said. She was absolutely livid.

"Rose babe, you know what I mean."

"Sure I do." She said, standing up. He stood up too.

"I love you?" He whispered.

She didn't give it a second thought, and tipped his chair so it went out the window-wall behind him.

"Ahhhh!" He yelled on the way down.

"What's with your sisters and throwing their spouses out the window?" I asked Emmett quietly.

"_SUPER HEARING_!!" A;ice and Rose yelled at me.

"Are you OK uncle Emmy?" Renesmee asked, leaning over the ledge of the window-wall.

"Edward!" I screamed. He looked at Renesmee and his eyes got wide.

"NO!" He shouted. But it was too late. She fell towards the ground.

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**oooh! a cliffie! I hope you liked this chapter! PLEASE review! Seriously. I know how many people read this, and I can say that not even half of you are reviewing. It doesn't make me very happy (**

**So, A special thanks to:**

**dancingchickie, iluvedwardcullen4ever, briiittx xhc, TwilightEdwardBella95, Xxmrs.toricullenxX, elitestar1234, Emmett's Girl66, misspenguin, Ember Sage, Hawkgrrrl, OCDtwilighter, lalalalalala8792, WakeMeUpWhenItsTimeToGoToSleep, Wake-up Soon, emmettsmyfave, Girly.X.Girl, xXxtwilightxXxmysteryX, Fire Lily007, Miss.Engel, and paigeisavampire.**

**you guys rock! Oh, and I still like all of the people who read. You guys rock hard too!! :D  
**

**--pinkcrayon1101**


	3. No more Monopoly

**If I owned Twilight, I wouldn't be sitting in my house writing this. :) All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
**

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**Hi everyone! I hope you like this chapter! Sorry to leave you with a cliff hanger, but eh. Please review when you're finished!! Oh, I had three alternate endings to this chapter, so I hope you like the one I chose. If you dont, I can give you the other versions :) OK, enjoy reading!!  
**

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Last Time: _"NO!" He shouted. But it was too late. She fell towards the ground._

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"My baby!" I cried, jumping out of my chair. I went to the side of the window, but Edward pulled me back.

"Don't you go falling out too." He said, peering over the edge.

"Oh god." I said, when he turned back to me, eyes wide.

"It's alright love." He said as I sobbed the only way vampires could. "She's alright. Emmett caught her. She'll be fine."

"Re-re-rea-really?" I asked, still 'sobbing'. It probably sounded as if I were hyperventilating.

"Yeah." Emmett said, coming from behind us with a smiling Renesmee in hand.

"You _never _do anything like that again young lady!" I said to my daughter, taking her from Emmett.

"Can we play monopoly?" She asked quietly, not even concerned that she'd just fallen out of a two-story window.

"Yes sweetheart." Edward replied, kissing her forehead. I placed her down in the chair.

"OK, whose turn is it Esme?"

"Um, Bella. Here are the dice sweetie!" She said, handing me the dice. My hand was still trembling from what just happened, so it was hard to roll.

"Relax love. Everything's fine." Edward said, taking my hands and kissing them. I nodded my head and rolled the dice.

"Three." I said, forcing a smile.

"St. Charles Place!" Esme shouted out. "Do you want it dear?"

"No, I don't buy the pink properties." I said, smiling.

All seven vampires around the table looked at me funny. Renesmee was just playing with an extra set of die.

"What? I don't like pink."

Everyone laughed and I handed the dice to Edward.

"Two. Oriental Avenue. I'll buy it." He said, handing over one hundred dollars to Esme. She unlocked the safe, put the money in, and got the card for Edward.

"Oh, Edward, that's a blue card!" I pouted. What happened to the good old rule 'don't buy the property if someone already has it'? **(AN: that's how my friend plays! :P)**

"Sorry love, house rules." He said smiling.

"But Edward! I want it!" I was willing to whine to see how far this would go. I looked around the board. Renesmee, Jasper, and Alice had already gone. Rose was getting the dice. Edward smiled, happy I was distracted.

"Seven!" Rose shouted. "Finally, a good number!" She moved her piece quickly. "Virginia Avenue." She said, smiling "I'll take it!"

"No you wont Rose." Alice said, smiling.

"And why not?"

"Because _I _own it."

"UGH!" Rose shouted and stomped her foot.

"You owe me 12 dollars."

"NO! GO GET YOUR OWN TWELVE DOLLARS! I QUIT THE GAME! IT'S FREAKING RIGGED!"

"Rosalie Cullen. Calm down right now!" Esme said, quite loudly for her.

"Hey, guys, uh, wasn't Rose supposed to sit out for three turns anyway?"

Everyone stared at me in shock.

"Oh, yes, you're right Bella." Carlisle said, smiling.

"Shut up Bella." Rose said, rolling her eyes at me.

"Just give the dice to Carlisle." I said, crossing my arms.

"Whatever." Rose said, rolling her eyes and knocking the board over, and walking up the stairs to her room.

"Rose!" The entire family yelled after her.

"Oh well," Alice said, gathering the money that was scattered on the floor. Let's play a different game."

"Like what?" I asked her, picking up Renesmee from her chair.

"Scrabble?" Jasper suggested, going to a closet.

"No!" Everyone but Renesmee and I yelled.

"What's wrong with Scrabble?" I asked, confused.

"Jasper _always _wins." Emmett said, crossing his arms.

"OK, then how about.."

"I know what we can play!" Alice screamed at the top of her lungs.

"What?" Edward asked her.

"Mall Madness!"

"NO!" the boys yelled at her.

"Mall Madness?" I asked, still confused.

"It's a game where you go around a mall and shop." Edward explained.

"Oh, then No Alice." I said. Renesmee wiggled in my arms, and I let her down. She ran towards Alice.

"I'll play with you Auntie Alice." She said, hugging her leg.

"Awww, thanks kiddo!" Alice said beaming. "Let's find it."

She and Renesmee went on a search through the game closet.

"Weird, I remember leaving it on the top shelf. Have you guys seen it?"

"Nope." All the boys said, looking innocent. Emmett giggled.

Alice and Renesmee went to look in the other closet, and the boys all started laughing.

"OK, what did you boys do to Alice's game?" Esme asked them, crossing her arms.

"We...we...BURNT IT!" Emmett said, between giggles.

"Aw, guys that was mean." I said. "I'm going to tell Alice."

They all stopped laughing.

"Please, Bella love, don't. She'll kill us." Edward said, frozen in place.

"Oh well." I said, heading towards the other closet at human speed. "You deserve it."

"Bella don't go there." Emmett said, following me at his own human pace.

"Catch me then." I winked at him, and took off at top speed towards the closet. I was there in a matter of seconds.

"Alice," I said, smiling at her. "About your game..."

But I got cut off by Emmett putting a solid hand around my mouth. Seeing as I wasn't a newborn anymore, he was stronger, so I couldn't talk.

"What Bella?" Alice asked, confused. "Emmett let go!" She demanded, staring up at Emmett. The look on Alice's face would scare Aro. Emmett released me with a sigh.

"What was that about my game Bella?" Emmett shot me a glare that matched the one Alice had given him.

"Nothing Alice. I was just going to say that if you find it I would love to play with you."

Even being a vampire for a year and a half, my lying hadn't improved.

"You're lying." She said, easily seeing through my lie.

"No I'm not." I said, crossing my arms.

"Yes you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"BELLA JUST TELL ME!" She screamed at me, making Renesmee cry.

"Good job." Emmett said to her. She rolled her eyes at him. I just picked my daughter up and bounced her in my arms.

"The boys burnt your game." I sighed.

Alice's face was more mad than I'd ever seen it. If she was human, it would be red with anger. Emmett sped around the corner while Alice clenched her fists.

"EMMETT, JASPER, AND EDWARD CULLEN! GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!" She yelled as loud as she could. Even if she had whispered it we would have heard it, but it was a nice dramatic effect. I could hear the wooshing of Alice running past me up the stairs.

"OW!" Emmett said.

"Alice!" Edward yelled.

"Alice, I had nothing to do with it." Jasper lied.

Then I heard a heavy oak door slam and Alice came back down the stairs.

"Thanks Bella." She smiled. "Renesmee, want to come shopping with me for a new game?" Alice's face was glowing in excitement.

"Yeah!" Renesmee screamed, reaching out for Alice.

Alice took my daughter from my arms and ran out to the garage with her. I could hear the Alice putting the key into the ignition, and the tires squealing against the driveway. I sighed. The large house was strangely quiet now, and I went to sit on the white couch.

That's when the boys came after me.

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**OK, so I hope you liked this chapter! Please review :) It makes me happy!! :) If you have any ideas on what the boys should do to Bella for telling Alice, please tell me! I have one idea, but im not sure... anyways, thanks for reading and all the people who reviewed so far!! You rock! :D**

**--pinkcrayon1101**


	4. TV trauma

**Disclaimer: Nope. Sadly, All rights belong to Stephenie meyer, although the movie is coming out soon! yay!... not sure what that has to do with anything, but eh.**

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**HI! So, im sorry I havent updated in like, forever, but you understand right? Thanks for staying with me! I hope you like this chapter! I couldn't sleep, but im kinda tired, so if this chapter sucks you know why. Ok thanks!!! Please review and HAPPY REMEMBRANCE DAYYYY!  
**

**Oh, and I got the cartoon stuff from the little kids I babysit. I hope it's all right. hehehe. Thanks Again!!!!!!!!  
**

--------------------------------9 DAYS TILL TWILIGHT! (well, 10 if you're not going to the midnight release)----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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**Last time:_That's when the boys came after me.

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_I sat still on the couch. Emmett was dressed up in a black cloak similar to one that the Volturi wore. How he got it, I have no idea. Edward and Jasper were wearing pirate costumes. All in all, they looked ridiculous.

"What are you _wearing_?!" I asked them, giggling.

"Shush. We're here for revenge!" Emmett shouted at me. I couldn't help but giggle.

"Two pirates and one of the Volturi guard? Good luck with that." I said, rolling my eyes.

Jasper sighed and turned to Emmett.

"I told you these outfits weren't scary enough! That's why I wanted to get the _werewolf_ costumes!"

"And, like I said before," Emmett replied, rolling his eyes, "She was _in love_ with a freaking werewolf, I don't think she's gonna be afraid of them!"

They continued to fight about their costumes so I turned the TV onto some talk show.

Suddenly, all of the boys were silent.

"Oooohh!" Emmett said, coming to sit beside me on the couch. "The Tyra Banks show!"

"Oh, is that what it's called?" I asked, turning up the volume. "Wait, why do you even _know _that Emmett?"

"I have to do something at night when Rose is mad at me..." He said, then grabbed the remote. "I've seen this one."

He flipped the channel and it was the cartoon network.

"Ooohh! POKEMON!" Jasper yelled, then hoped onto the couch. He grabbed the remote from Emmett just before he changed the channel.

"Wait, what?" I asked, confused. My brothers liked Pokemon and the Tyra Banks show. oh joy.

"Just ignore them love, they're imature little vampires." Edward said, then walked over beside the TV.

"Oh _we're_ immature?" Emmett fought back.

Jasper was still immersed in his cartoon. "Woo hoo! Go pikachu!"

I rolled my eyes and listened to Emmett.

"This comes from the vampire who loves to watch cooking Network!"

We all stared at Emmett.

"And how exactly does that make me immature?" Edward asked him, sitting on my other side.

"Uh... it just does!" He yelled back, then stomped up the stairs to his room.

Suddenly an explosion came from the TV.

"Woo hoo! thunderbolt!" Jasper yelled, punching his fists in the air.

"Right..." I said, turning away from him. "Care to accompany me to the store?" I asked Edward, standing up.

"What for love?" He asked, remaining on the couch.

"Fun." I shrugged. Then my face twisted in horror. "Oh god, I'm turning into Alice."

"I heard that Bella!" Alice yelled, coming into the garage with Renesme in tow. Strange thing was, she only had one shopping bag in her hands.

"Only _one _shopping bag?" I asked her in surprise.

"Yea, I'm going back to get more right now. And since you fell like _shopping_," Her face twisted into a devilish grin

"You can join me." She finished throwing the bag onto the couch.

"Do I _have _to?" I whined.

"Might as well," Alice said, tossing me the car keys. "You haven't driven since you crashed the Volvo." Edward's spine went ridged.

"Right. Thanks for bringing _that _up Alice." I hissed at her.

"Well, it wasn't _my _fault." She said innocently. "Are you coming or not?"

I played with the car keys in my hands. No one had trusted me to drive since the Volvo incident, and before that I had crashed four cars.

"Yea, I'll come!" I said, grabbing my coat and heading to the car.

Well, this was sure to be a whole lot more interesting than playing monopoly.

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**Yay! Ok, so I hope you liked it, and im sorry it was short. But I hope it was funny. I'll try to update soon, so stay tuned! Thanks for staying with meeeee!**

**PLEASE REVIEW, MY SANITY DEPENDS ON IT.**

**... not that I had much to begin with...**

**Thanks again!**

**pinkcrayon1101 =D  
**


	5. The Volvo's Death

**THE DAY THE VOLVO DIED.**

**(this is a flashback in BELLA'S POV when she comes home (with Alice) and eplains how she destroyed the volvo.) **Bella has the power to locate/see what people are doing... if that makes sense. She can basically track people, but she can also see them. Got it? Yeah. Ok, i know it's strange... And it doesn't really matter in this chapter so I have no idea why im telling you.... but just keep this in mind anyways, Mkay? Hope you like the chapter, MAJOR OOC... beware. =)**  


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** I came in the door, with Alice walking behind me. Alice was still giggling, and I was just scared. After crashing the Maserati, Lexus, Ferrari, Mercedes, and even a Porsche, I had crashed the Volvo. Edward's _beloved _Volvo. Sometimes I think he loved the car more than me....

"Hello," Edward greeted us in the living room. "What are you doing home so soon? I would have thought you'd be out for another couple of hours..."

"Uh... well, you see..." I took off my jacket and tried to explain the situation to him.

"BELLA CRASHED THE VOLVO!" Alice yelled, giggling.

Edward froze. "What?" He asked through barred teeth.

"Um, I may have had a, uh, tiny _incident _with the Volvo on the, uh, freeway..." I said, looking down at the ground.

When Edward didn't say anything, I looked up. His face was a frozen mask of horror, disgust, and fear.

"Edward?" I asked, sitting beside him.

"Well," He said, voice a little too high pitched, "I'm glad that you're all right. That's all that matters."

"Edward! Im so sorry!" I whispered, cuddling into his chest.

"It's all right, love." He said, smoothing my hair. "It can't be that bad can it?" He asked, chuckling.

Alice started laughing.

"Um... well..."

Edward's body stiffened.

"YOU TOTALED MY CAR?!?!" He asked, sitting both of us upright.

"Just a little... it's not really that bad..."

Alice laughed again. "Come on Bells," She said, sitting beside me. "Even the tow truck guy said he couldn't bring it over here because it was so bad!"

"Alice," I hissed, "If you want to remain a vampire and not a _dead _vampire..."

"Hah... how ironic. Hahahaha..." Emmett came into the room, with a sandwich in his hand laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, you said if she wants to stay a vampire and not a _dead _vampire.... but vampires _are _dead! So, it's funny! Get it? Hahahahahaha....Ha...ha..ha..." Emmett stopped laughing when he realized that no one else was laughing. Then he ran up the stairs.

"Right, Um, Anyways," Alice began again. "You _needed _a new car Eddie!"

"No I didn't!" He whined, "Tanya was perfect!"

"What?" I asked him, while Alice was laughing her head off.

"Oh... right... um, I can explain."

"Sure you can. You named your beloved car after some random girl in ALASKA, but not your wife. Or even your daughter. No! It's named _Tanya._" I started poking his arm in frustration.

"Hah, well, look at it this way Bella," Alice said. "At least it's not named _Jessica_ or _Rosalie _or _Alice_..."

"Like I would _ever _name a car after you..." Edward said under his breath.

"YOU HAD BETTER BE TALKING TO HER!" Alice and I yelled at the same time.

"Right...uh... anyways, so... will I be needing a new volvo?" He asked, putting his fingers on the bridge of his nose.

"uh...yea.... about that.... The insurance company says we need to get a better plan if I want to stay insured..." I said, handing him the form from my purse.

Edward skimmed over the page breifly. "Well," He said, grinning. "This is _perfect_."

"Um, Edward, Are you Ok?" I asked, staring at him.

"Yes, yes, of course, love. I have a simple solution to all of this.

"Which would be....?" I asked him, still staring.

"You won't drive!" He said happily.

My jaw dropped.

"What?" I asked him.

"You won't be permitted to drive." He said again, simply.

"WHAT?" I asked again, getting to my feet.

"Good job Eddie..." Alice muttered, then ran up the stairs.

"You...uh...can't...drive?" He said in a high pitched voice. It sounded more like a question than a statement.

I was so angry I couldn't do anything. I was literally frozen in place. That's when Renesmee came skipping around the corner.

"Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!" She said happily, jumping into Edward's arms. She looked at the livid expression on my face, and the scared expression on her father's face and whispered in his ear. "What's wrong with mommy?"

"Nothing is wrong with your mother, hon." He said, kissing her forehead. "She's just a bit upset at the moment."

Renesmee wiggled out of Edward's arms and into mine. "What's wrong mommy?" she asked, cuddling into my chest.

I looked at Edward.

"Daddy took something from mommy that was very important to her." I said, glaring at him.

She turned to Edward in shock.

"Daddy! What did you do?!"

"Um, you're mother broke another car," Renesmee giggled. "And I told her she couldn't drive anymore."

"That makes sense." she said, smiling at me.

Edward smiled, happy she was on his side.

I sighed. "Yea, maybe mommy doesn't need to drive for a little while..." I said, sitting on the couch. She snuggled into me, and I glared at Edward. He came closer to me and whispered "I love you." I my ear. I smiled and whispered back, "Don't think I'll forget this. You're going down." then I pulled away and smiled as he shuddered.

Alice came from down the stairs. "HELLO." She yelled, cupping her hands over her mouth.

"Um, hi?" I said, letting Renesmee go.

She giggled then pulled eggs and toilet paper from behind her (I have no idea how that happened). "Wanna go prank Mike Newton?" She asked, laughing. Rose flew down the stairs and laughed along with Alice.

"I'm in."

"Me too!" I said, and we all walked out the door.

**end flashback**

"Hey Alice," I asked, looking at her even though I was driving. "Do you remember when I couldn't drive and you, me, and Rose all went and egged Mike's house?"

"Yes, I do Bella, but please keep your eyes on the road!" She said, grabbing the steering wheel and turning the car back onto the highway.

I let go of the wheel again and started laughing. "Hahaha, he opened the door, and Rose threw one at him!"

Alice grabbed the steering wheel again. We were veering into the oncoming traffic.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this..." She said, getting us back into the right lane.

"Where's your faith in me Al? I'm a _great _driver!"

"Sure you are. Well, you were." She said, rolling her eyes.

Finally, after what seemed like a 50 minute drive instead of the 10 minute drive that it was, we were at the mall.

"Ah! Finally! I'm _HOME!_" Alice sung, skipping and twirling into the mall. I locked the doors and followed after her.

Could I survive her extreme shopping? Even as a vampire? Who knew.

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**Sorry that it's TOTALLY OOc, its 12:37...and I woke up at 6:00... (dont ask). Sooooo, yea. that's Bella. I hope that this is Ok, becuase I dont know if it sounds more like what Bella would do... or what I would do.... but oh well. Like I said.... ITS LATE. IM TIRED. hee hee! hope you liked it, and you'll be the BEST PERSON EVER if you review! Seriously. The first 5 people to review get a prize. No, its not virtual cookies or something stupid like that. Soooo........ yea. THANKS FOR READING IT! (and if you're still reading this... well, you have a LOT of patience so give yourself a pat on the back!) MKAY! bye!**

**pinkcrayon1101  
**


	6. Her eggo got preggo and we went to jail

**Bonjour awesome people who havent abandoned me! :] Ok, ok, so i havent really written this story for... like.... a year... and a month.. or two... :] BUT, now i am, and its going to be awesome! So, thanks for staying true to the story and dont forget to REVIEW! :] P.S. I think i made it up to you guys, this chappie is REALLY looooong. :] :]  


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"Alice, is this really necessary?" I asked as we walked in to Toys R Us.

"Yes Bella. They destroyed my game! My _favourite _game. Now they must pay."

We walked straight past the greeter and Alice grabbed a buggie.

"Are you really planning on buying that much?" I asked, looking at the size of the cart.

"Yes." Alice replied, zooming down an aisle.

"Ok..." I muttered to myself. I really didnt even want to know what she was planning.

I looked through the aisles until I found a dress up section.

"Well, the boys do need new outfits."

I grabbed a Grim Reaper mask for Emmett, a creepy little girl mask for Jasper, and a Frankenstein mask for Edward.

I went right past the girlie princess outfits, then stopped, thinking about Renesmee.

I wish I had gotten my own cart.

I haden't gone that far had I? I must be pretty close to the front.

I went out of the aisle and saw books.

"Ok... other way."

I turned around and found Stuffed Animals.

"Probably shouldn't bring any of those home...." I said to myself, turning around again.

After twenty minutes, I sat on a computer chair shaped like a flower.

"They should make a GPS for this store." I muttered, looking for my cellphone.

I speed dialed three. Alice.

"Uhh... Hello?" The voice on the phone asked.

"Alice, save me. I have no idea where I am, and...." I stopped, hearing video games in the background.

"Alice, where the heck are you?"

"Oh, uh, some kid challenged me, and I couldnt say no."

I rolled my eyes. Stupid competitive vampires.

"How do I get back to you?"

"well, what quadrant of the store are you in?"

"uh.... like Im really supposed to know that?!"

"Oh. Ok, uh, what section are you in?"

"Uh, something that has weird shaped computer chairs."

"Ok, I know where you are. You beside the flower chair, the baseball chair, or the star chair?"

"Flower."

"Ok, take a right."

This is why I need Alice. She is my GPS.

"Ok..."

"Now you should see a whole bunch of GI Joe's."

I scanned the shelves.

"Yup. What now?"

"Kay, go all the way down the aisle, take a right, then you'll see the electronics section. Im in there."

"Ok... Yea, I see it."

"Good, see you soon, I have majour ground to make up! Bye!"

"Uh, ok.."

I still fid it weird that Alice would accept a video game challenge, but hey, who am I to judge?

I walked through the arch into the video game section. Emmett and Jasper would love it here. Maybe I should get them something as an apology for this afternoon... I looked through the crazy amount of products, trying to remember what console they had.

"Can I help you?" Some voice asked me from behind.

I spun around a saw Mike Newton.

"Mike?"

"Bella?"

"What are you doing here?" We asked at the same time.

"Oh, uh, I kind of work here now."He said, looking embaressed.

"What about the sporting goods shop?"

"Oh, yea... I kind of, uh, had issues, so my parents kicked me out. But you look awesome." He said, his eyes tracing up and down my body. "Even better than before."

My eyes went wide. He knew? How could he know?

"Uh.. what... what do you mean... _before_?" I asked, nervously.

He looked confused.

"Oh, well, you know, you look even better than you did in High school... what did you think I meant?"

Luckily for me, Mike's walkie talkie sputtered.

_"Mike, we have a problem. Some crazy lady is making kids cry by beating them at video games. Can you handle it?"_

Mike sighed.

"Yes sir, right away."

Oh god, that 'crazy lady' was probably Alice. Stall Bella, stall.

"Uh, so, Mike," I said, stepping in front of him. "Exactly what kind of trouble did you get into?" I winked at him.

"Oh, uh, you know..."

"No, I don't believe I do."

"Well, kind of like you and Edward."

"Oh! You got married? Why would that be a problem?"

"Oh, no. I, uh, kind of got this girl preggo." He laughed. "And _then _we got married. Like you and Cullen right?"

I told Edward this is what people would think about us getting married.

"Uhm, no Mike, Edward did not get me '_preggo_' before we got married. That happened afterward."

"Oh." He said looking uncomfortable. "Well, I should probably go check on that lady.."

"But..." I said, grabbing his arm. "We haven't talked in so long! Your hair grew!"

Good job Bella. '_Your hair grew_'? Awesome.

"Uh, yea." He looked over my body again. "You changed too."

"What do you mean?" I asked, stepping back a step.

"Well, you got, uhm, hot."

If I could have blushed, I totally would have.

"Hey, you even got that blush under con..."

"Mike," I cut him off. "You should probably go deal with that disturbance."

"Right."

I followed him, having no idea where I was going otherwise.

"Excuse me ma'am," Mike said, tapping alice on the shoulder. "Can I please have a word?"

Alice turned around suddenly and glared at Mike.

"IM BUSY." She screamed, then turned back to the game.

A loud noise game from the screen, along with an explosion and Alice did a victory dance.

"HAH! I beat you again, you little snot kid! HAHAHAHA!!!" She hopped up and down and pointed at the little kid.

"Ma'am, please stop or I will have to restrict you from the video game area."

She stopped her dance and looked at Mike.

"Alice?" He asked, looking surprised.

"Oh... Hey Newton.."

"Uhm, Well, this is awkward." I said, going towards Alice.

"So... how did the whole 'marry Jessica cause her eggo is preggo thing work out?" She asked.

Mike stared. "How did you know about that?"

"Yea, Alice," I whispered. "How did you know about that?"

"Come on Mike. I have facebook. I know things about you that even you dont know."

Well that's a little creepy.

"Uh.. right... Just dont bully the kids anymore okay?" Mike asked before running away.

"Why do they always run away after I say stuff like that?" Alice asked as we walked toward the check out.

"Maybe because you sound like a stalker. And remind me when we get home to block facebook from Renesmee kay?"

We walked to the check out and saw Eric Yorkie bagging in the next lane.

"Is everyone from Forks High working here?" I asked Alice.

"All I know is that Eric, Mike, Ben, and Jessica do," Alice answered, "But who knows, Jessica may be on mat leave."

"Yea, thats starting to get _really _creepy now."

We unloaded all of the stuff from the buggie onto the checkout counter. For the first time since I left Alice, i noticed what she had in there.

"Alice," I asked, holding up a jar. "What do you need 3 liters of alien slime for?"

she laughed evily. "You'll see Bella... MUHAHAHA."

"Ok..." I said, putting the jar on the counter.

"Two thousand, three hundred thirty three dollars and five cents."

I looked at Alice. "How could you possibly spend so much?!"

She giggled and handed the clerk her platinum card.

"I'll need ID please."

"What?" Alice asked, staring at the clerk. "Do you not think Im Alice Cullen or something?"

"Well ma'am, I need to check, it's for customer safety. So, ID please."

She turned around. "Bella, all I brought was that credit card."

I sighed, "Here, use this one and here's my ID."

"Uhm, do you have a second piece of ID Miss Swan?"

"Hmm Miss who now?"

"Miss Swan. Is that not your ID?"

I looked down at the card I was holding. It was my driver's license... but when the renewed it, they used my old picture and name apparently.

"Oh, sorry, there was a mix up, Im Mrs. Cullen."

"Yea, well, I need to find a card that matches the name on the ID."

"Excuse me, but its all simple. Im Mrs. Cullen, the DMV messed up."

"Can you prove it?" She asked, staring at me

"Uh..."

The clerk grabbed the phone. "Security to aisle two, security to aisle two."

"What do you need security for?" I asked, turning around to see that two tall, muscular security gaurds were standing behind us.

"These two dont have matching ID and card. I think they stole this Visa."

"What?!" Alice yelled, grabbing the girl by her shirt.

"Come with us." A gaurd said to me, while the other one grabbed Alice.

"THIS IS INSANITY! I DEMAND TO SEE MY HUSBAND, FATHER, AND BROTHER! HE TOOK 2 YEARS OF MEDICAL SCHOOL AND ONE SEMESTER AT HARVARD LAW!"

Well, I hadn't known that about Edward. But then again, she could be talking about Emmett.. Or not.

"Al, calm down, its a silly misunderstanding."

"No talking punk." The gaurd said, leading us to a tiny jail cell.

"Aw, come on, this is ridiculous."

One gaurd shoved me in, while the other carefully placed Alice down, then ran out before she could attack him.

"Do we at least get our phone call?" I asked, putting my purse on the bottom bunk bed.

"No. you have to stay in there until the police come first. Now, give us your purse."

"I dont think so." I said, pulling it back into my hands.

The gaurd reached his hand in, and grabbed one of the straps. "If you dont want me to break it, give it to me."

I almost laughed. As if I couldn't tear it right out of his hands! I could over power him easily!

But a little voice inside my head thought: but Alice could have easily gotten out of the gaurd's hold before, and she didnt.

I glanced at Alice, and she gave me a look that said '_let go_.'

I sighed and handed him my purse.

"Good. Learning to respect the law."

"You're not the law." I laughed. "You a mall cop. Like that movie... what's the guy's name? Paul Blart! Thats what you are. Mall cops are those guys who couldn't become real cops."

"Just for that," The taller gaurd said, rummaging though a drawer. "You can wear these."

Alice scremed when she saw them. They were the old fashioned black and white striped prison outfits that you only saw in movies. They had to be at least 5 years old.

"No." I said, backing away from the suits.

"Yea, well, you have to or we can send you to real jail." He said, opening the cell door. "There's a bathroom right over there."

I picked one up, gave Alice a look and sighed. We had to do this.

"Hey girlie, just because you're pretty doesn't mean you have to be stupid. Turn around."

I did as I was told and felt cool metal slip onto my wrists.

"Seriously? Its not like credit card fraud should be dealt with this severely."

"AHA! So you admit you did it!" The gaurd at the desk yelled.

I sighed. "No, we really didnt do it."

"Well no matter what," The gaurd closest to me said. "You have to wear these. So go." He pushed me towards the bathroom and opened the door.

Ew. Nice bathroom. You could definitely tell that boys used it, it smelled awful. I looked at the handcuffs. I could break out and climb out the window. Hmm, but what about Alice? I could always come for her later... Although, the gaurds had my purse. And my purse had my car keys. Darn. And I couldn't really run along the side of the highway without being seen.

I pulled on the outfit and came out.

The gaurds laughed and Alice stared in horror.

Come on, could it really look that bad? I looked down at myself. Yea, it could.

I walked into the stall, the gaurd took off my handcuffs and then took Alice to change

"oh, excuse me," I said to the gaurd at the desk. "I didn't catch your name."

"Alex." He said, going back to his newspaper.

"Alex. Hmmm, such a hot name. Anyways, Hot security gaurd named Alex, can you find my birth control pills? I forgot to take it today after I ... well, you know." I winked at him.

"Uh.. sure, I guess that would be ok."

"Thanks." I said.

Obviously, I didnt have birth control in there. I didnt _need _them. Im a vampire. He woud never find them, and I had a plan.

After a couple minutes of searching through my purse, He gave up. "Uh, I cant find them."

"Oh there probably in the secret pocket." I giggled. "Here, just bring it to me and Ill find them."

Alex stood up and brought the purse over to me. Ok, this was gonna be the hard part. I somehow needed to grab my cellphone without him seeing.

I reached up and grabbed his biscep. "Oh my, Alex, do you work out?"

"Uhm, yes ma'am, yes I do."

"I can tell." I reached into the purse.

"Oh, gee. I cant find them. Oh well, Advil works just as well."

Again, another good line, but it was the only think I could think of as a sub in for Birth Control.

"Advil can do that?"

"Only.. uh, child's advil." I said, putting the bottle over the cellphone. I thanked the lord that I kept advil in here in case anything happened to Renesmee.

"Oh, Ill have to tell that to my girlfriend." He said smiling.

Ok, ew.

I slipped the phone into my bra before he could look and put the advil back in the purse, pretending to swallow a pill.

"Thanks." I said, smiling.

"No problemmo." He said, going to sit at the desk. Then, Alice came bursting out of the bathroom.

"Ok, No. I REFUSE to wear this. Nuh uh. Not gonna happen. CALL MY LAWYER!"She was kicking as the no-name gaurd carried her into the cell.

"Alice," I vamp-whispered to her. "I have a plan. Just stick it out until tonight ok?"

I looked at her and she nodded.

Now all I needed was the cover of nightfall. And preferably some cool Mission Impossible music.

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**Ok! So I hope you like, NO, loved that chapter. It was really random, I know. But hey, what fun is life/fanfiction without a little dose of random? Ok, maybe more than a_ little _dose. So, I have some news! Some of you may have already gotten this message, but please please please check out my new website! It's all about my fanfics, where they started, some fun facts, info about me, and Q & A page, and even some ductape. So please, please visit it!! here's the link -- .com/bluecrayon1101/fanfic**

**Ok! Thanks!**

**Pinkcrayon1101 :]**


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